Valentino

14 February 2021

If only he had still been of living matter, cold sweat would have descended from his forehead in many small tributaries of the raging river of his tension. He didn't expect his request to meet Lupercus would be accepted, yet there he was, at the door of his domains. He still had to get used to the absence of any sensation; seeing the leaves of the honeysuckles stirring in the wind but not feeling the breeze on his skin further estranged him. An arch of ivy-covered stone interrupted an infinite insurmountable wall. Beyond it a vast grassy field, an imposing fig tree and a figure, a shadow, sitting with legs crossed and hands resting on the knees.

Valentino approached, cautiously, passing under the arch and walking lightly, terrified of ruining the grass. He realized after a few steps that he left no footprints. "It is not simple to speak to me. Yours is great fortune, you must have found favor with someone very important to be in my presence. Speak, but choose your words wisely. Why are you here?" Lupercus spoke without moving a muscle. Valentino had the impression that the words were directly projected into his unconscious, without passing through the filter of his consciousness, without being polluted by the illogical thought of human beings.

"My name is Valentino. With Your permission I would like to tell you my story" He waited for an answer. A few seconds. A few more seconds. Nothing. He continued. "It was snowing. Not a new fact, but decidedly rare. I only have memory of one other similar episode, but I was too young to remember the details. The fact is that the Palatine was of disarming beauty, covered in a white mantle it reflected light and illuminated the streets. It seemed to project a positive influence on everything around it: children played happily and women chatted cheerfully in the streets. The Lupercalia this year would be an event to remember. Your favors would descend to bless the population like never before.

I was walking down to the foot of the Palatine to go to the cave of the Lupercal, but I couldn't not greet her. Seeing her is an obsession for me, it's the only way I have to feel good. Andromaca is my life. I desired for her the privilege of Your favors, so that the new year would bring us the joy of a long-awaited birth. For this reason I was proud and enthusiastic to have been chosen to be part of the Luperci and to be the initiate for the Quinctiales. When I met her, on the threshold of her door, I had just enough time for a kiss. The ceremony would not wait for me.

Down in the cave the goats were slaughtered, I was marked with their blood and laughed. I laughed heartily, with my heart pounding with pride and love. I hoped and aspired to be Your best disciple. With the knife I personally cut the skins to make my whip and my costume. I was proud of my work and confident of Your appreciation. We ate and drank with passion. After a few hours we undressed and wore the costume; as per tradition it covered only our genitals. Leaving the cave we were euphoric.

With the first breath my lungs seemed to freeze. The second was even worse: a thousand razor-sharp blades dug from inside my chest. I saw the suffering in the eyes of the other Luperci. But what were we supposed to do? Contradict Your will and Your grace?

We started running and jumping back toward the Palatine. When we were in the streets we started hitting women with our whips. I was looking for Andromaca. I wanted to be the one to strike her. She was mine, if Your favor were ever to descend upon her it had to be channeled by my hand, the same hand that caressed her every evening. I saw her at the end of the street, two other Luperci separated us. I ran like a madman, ignoring all the other women. I managed to strike her, perhaps with a bit too much emphasis; to the point of fearing I had hurt her. She smiled at me. She always smiled at me when she was proud of me. She understood why I had done it, she wanted the same thing too.

At the end of the day I was exhausted. The cold had nested in my bones. I spent a few hours in front of the fire with Andromaca. Then we made love and fell asleep.

She slept blissfully, I often woke up, mainly due to severe chest pains. But I was happy about it, I could take the opportunity to watch her sleep. In the morning the pains were excruciating and nothing could warm the cold that generated from my body.

I believe I died during the morning, but I'm not certain. I only have the memory of Andromaca and all her tears shed. I wish I could feel pain, I wish I could cry in turn, but I cannot.

I gave You everything, I just wish...

"Your story is known to me," Lupercus interrupted, "I have observed you for a long time. I have seen the seed of your love insinuate itself into your hearts and grow until it became ripe fruit. I must confess that I am tired. I feel ancient and outdated. My materialism is no longer a mirror of the times. For a long time I have meditated on my value and the meaning of my work. Forgive me if I don't seem moved by your story, but know that nothing happens by chance in this world. You are here because I made sure this moment would come. Because Lupercus's time is over. It is time for Valentino. I am sure you will be up to the task." With these words Lupercus vanished, leaving Valentino alone, under the fig tree.